i haven’t blogged in so long, but i’ve wanted to make the return back to ‘socarolinesays’ for awhile. part of the reason why i haven’t been writing much was because i used to keep this blog mostly as a tool for dealing with my depression. i wrote a lot during a year that was really tough for me. it was a great outlet. depression, of course, is something that doesn’t ‘go away’; not forever, anyway. but in the last several months i’ve been busy and productive and just, well, happier! so i haven’t had time to write.

BUT. i miss writing in general. i don’t know what kind of voice or mood this new chapter will take on, so bear with me if you’re still out there.

i guess you can look for some changes (?) or just more posting in general.

i hope you had a great thanksgiving with family and friends.

happy holiday season!

Is anyone still out there?

• Went to Martha’s Vineyard. Super super fun. I recommend vacations to Real-World-job-holders to maintain sanity and to remind yourself that there is life outside your office and there are more important things in the world than continental breakfasts (if you’re in my biz) or more important things than whatever is deemed important in your building from 9-5pm. Honestly. Get yourself to the ocean and take ten years off your life. I could be a commercial for vacations. I could be a farmer in those clothes.
• Came back to a NYC heat wave. Thank you JeEzZUZ for A/C and for not letting me slack during that hot 3 days in June when I lost my shit and bought a window unit for my bedroom. New York City in the summer is filed under “For the Questionably Insane” in my book, along with New York City in the winter, and black coffee.
• STILL am gluten-free (GF) and meat free (MF). Still eating fish. Brought dairy back into the diet (I love cheese). I’ll try to write a post on this later, but to sum up: lost a LOT of weight (roughly 20 lbs in 2 months) (my ass is still in tact, however; there was an office pool on this) (hi mom, hi dad), energy levels have been UP the wazoo, I have been happier and feeling less depleted, I sleep more (kind of) (no) (ok no), I think about sleeping more (vast improvement), and most importantly, the specific health concerns have, so far, corrected themselves without the help of medication, which I was really hopeful about. I will post about it later, as I have received a TON of helpful advice from friends and blog readers and my mom and your mom on the subject, and I’ll try to go into a little more detail about how I made the change. All I can say for now, though, is that if you are considering it, for your health or another reason, it’s a very painless switch. Says the queen of mac and cheese and sandwiches, so you have to know I’m not joking.

I’ve been so BUSY. Busy with work, life, living without cheese, photography, et al, I’ve had zero time to stop by and confirm I’m alive. (I’m alive). And to check in and see if you’re alive! (Are you alive?)

Some funnnnnnnnnnnnn updates:

My friend (and super talented photo partner) got MARRIED last week! Dusty and Kylie had a great wedding. It was the first “friend” wedding of my life; the kick off to this chapter of my 20s where we’ll all be locking it up. DON’T WORRY, DAD, NOT ME, NO SIR, NOT TIL I’M 80.

The lovely Kelly Boitano photographed their day. I am in love with her work, aren’t you? I couldn’t help but feel a little pang of jealousy as I watched Kelly photograph the big day, but it further confirmed that photography is exactly what I want to do and exactly what I should be doing. Kelly, you are inspiring!

I finally bought the domain for my own photography site. Yup, Caroline Ann Photography is a real, living, breathing thing. The only problem is, I can’t seem to settle on my “brand”. Fonts, designs, colors, sizes; I’ll pick something out, be happy with it, and then immediately create or find something I like better. Trying to brand is HARD, people. And I suck at it. I need help. Consider this my cry for help. I just have a lot of feelings…

With the branding crisis aside, I’ve been shooting a lot more lately. I’ve been becoming more and more comfortable behind the camera and directing. This is from a shoot I did this weekend with Monica, a dancer with Dance New Amsterdam in NYC.

And remember Ben and Avalon? THEY ARE GETTING MARRIED AT THE END OF AUGUST! Kylie and I are photographing their wedding (the below is from their engagement shoot with us back in November). We have them to thank for a lot of business we’ve received in the last 7 months (thank you guys).

I started a photoblog over on tumblr and I hate it. I don’t like tumblr. I also don’t really understand it. I am trying to come up with the most cost effective way to run a photoblog alongside my photo site. Does anyone have any ideas? I’m down to try whatever, but would like to exhaust and explore all of the free options first before I throw down dollars.

Last but not least, DAY 16 OF GLUTEN FREE, MEAT FREE, AND BASICALLY DAIRY FREE has arrived and I am happy to report I don’t feel any worse for the wear AND it hasn’t been that hard. I have to say I am totally over sushi though.

I plan on blogging again tonight. I got SO MUCH FEEDBACK, from readers, from friends, from your mom, regarding my quest to go GF, MF and DF. I wanted to put up some of the great advice/recipes/tips I got from you guys. Plus, so many of you have PCOS! Who knew? It’s nice to know I’m not in this alone.

Sorry for the lack of blogging lately. I’m heading to Martha’s Vineyard next week to enjoy my first REAL vacation since I started working in the real world (at least two years +). I could not be more excited.

So summer is officially here, and the gays can officially get hitched in NYC. Could life be better? Does anyone need enGAYgement photos? I know a photographer in NYC…

more here. and here.

ON THE WEB!

ON THE TUMBLR!

ON THE FACEBOOK!

I

I perch the chair that lives there into the northwest, propping my left foot towards the sunset and my right towards home. I am drinking coffee. It is 8pm and sunny and I am alone.

My white sundress catches the reflection of the sun catching a glimpse of the neighbors across the avenue; the light giving way to the imperfections of a dress I haven’t ironed in a year, of a personality I haven’t ironed in a lifetime and I wonder if sadness is the opposite of what I think it is, if sadness is going into the light and realizing you still feel like a 50 watt on the very last flip of the switch before you become a bullet point of things to-do, to-do tomorrow. If happiness is found in the familiar outline of the dark, then just quietly take me off your list.

And please don’t call during dinner again.

Coffee is still hot, sun is still out, I am still sitting.

You’ve figured me out, so unclench your jaw.

You’ve figured me out.

some of those symptoms apply to me, but many do not.

fortunately, some of the ones that sound like they would be most difficult to deal with,

fall into the ‘do not’ category.

but some do.

i barely ever get my period.

i gain weight when i come within 5 feet of a cookie.

it makes me moody. and tired.

it’s so fun, really.

a lot of women have it {do you?},

and, even though i wanted to believe otherwise,

it doesn’t go away by itself. just like bills don’t pay themselves {you know?}.

i just started taking this gross medicine that makes my stomach hurt,

and my doctor suggested i take on the challenge of becoming

a gluten and dairy free pescatarian {fish and eggs are ok}

to improve my health.

i started sunday,

with black bean burgers and homemade salsa and green bean “fries”,

which are not fries at all.

it was good, and i’m lucky to have a friend who graduated from culinary school helping me,

because if i didn’t,

i’d probably just be eating grass.

{this is a really big and necessary change for me, as i consider mac and cheese a food group and bleed starbuck’s lattes, so i could use all of the help and encouragement i can get. is anyone out there struggling with pcos? or familiar with this kind of diet?}

Well, I have an obsession with elephants.

It all started when a friend went to India,

and brought me back three different elephant relics

for my (then) new apartment.

He told me they were lucky

if their trunk was up.

Since then, I’ve collected elephants

in the form of

postcards,

paintings,

jewelry,

et al.

They’re all around my house.

My newest edition to

my ever-expanding elephant collection

are these:

 Trunks up, everyone.

and walking home in new {wet} red shoes in the rain.

(At least I saved five dollars,

although I don’t think wet Tom’s shoes produce the nicest smell).

One small cup of coffee,

finally finishing my book.

Relaxing,

and not even thinking about how stressed I’ve been at work lately.

Ever feel like you need a weekend from your weekend?

{the tattoo isn’t real (it’s a stick on!), but one day it might be (i’m too indecisive!)}